Untangling Love and Enabling

When a child is struggling with addiction, love becomes complicated.

What begins as protection can slowly turn into rescue. What begins as support can turn into shielding someone from the natural consequences of their choices. And most parents do not even realize when the shift happens.

Love and enabling are not the same thing.

But they can feel deeply tangled.

Enabling is not loving too much. It is loving from fear instead of trust. Fear that something terrible will happen. Fear that stepping back means abandonment. Fear that saying no will damage the relationship beyond repair.

Love says, “I am here.”

Enabling says, “I will fix this for you.”

Love tells the truth.

Enabling softens or hides it.

Love can stay steady even when someone is making unhealthy choices. Enabling tries to control those choices in order to calm anxiety.

Untangling the two requires honesty.

It requires asking hard questions about motivation. Am I helping because it is healthy for them? Or because it temporarily relieves my fear?

Letting go never means abandoning.

It means releasing the illusion that you are responsible for outcomes that were never yours to control.

There is a difference between being present and being responsible. Between loving and rescuing. Between faith and fear.

Scripture reminds us that if we lack wisdom, we can ask God who gives generously. Untangling love and enabling is not about becoming rigid or detached. It is about asking for wisdom to love in a way that is steady, truthful, and sustainable.

You can love deeply without rescuing.

You can care without controlling.

You can step back without stepping away.

And you can trust that God is working in ways you cannot always see.

Wherever you are in this today, may you feel held, and may you trust that God will meet you one step at a time.